minnfenn ♥ 敏芬

i wish i could take things easy.

life is tough.
i hate to say but now i feel money is everything.

once again i feel threaten.
the feeling i hate most from you.
the one whom i respect, feel obligated and the one who taught me to be honest.

If honesty leads to threatening outcome why should one be honest then?
is that how the creation of white lie comes abt?

i wish i was someone who can take things easy.
like someone said one ear in one ear out.
but this is easier to be said than done.

i tried. i really tried to hold back.
but i couldn't, in the end it still flows down my cheek.

i really hope i can grow up soon and live for myself. don't u?

and... i doubting myself for holding a counsellor profession.
as what most people say i take things too hard. is it true?
i think so.

now that i think back i've been updating my blog. somehow updates on my blog isn't interesting/funny/happy. which then conclude do u think i'm happy now? no.

shall go when the com decided to die on me.

♥, yours truely

sick bugs

i had flu 2 weeks ago and just before i thought i had recovered, i'm down with gastric flu.
now all i want is to recover.
i missed my 2 precious weekends just like that.

today it's monday and i just got back home.
aunt says i look pale ask me to go home and rest.

yes, i know i should be sleeping now but.. i ~~don't want~~ can't seem to sleep.
sigh.
i want to go for training on wed but i doubt my aunt would allow me. SIGH.

on a happier note, my contract will end tomorrow and I WILL BE ABLE TO GET A NEW PHONE. :D
mr sim has been asking me or rather psycho' me to get iphone 4 and i think i'll probably get that BECAUSE of it's front camera. HAHA. okay.

and... i shall be a nice sister and give my itouch to my brother that if he wants it cause he will prolly get an iphone when he is back!

somehow blogging makes me happy! (:
thanks to those lovelies who reads it. love u girls!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR SIM.
i hope u grow up to be more mature when u were 21. HAHAHA! (:
thank you for whatever u have done and hope u like your presents!

till then,
good night peeps!

♥, yours truely

i miss him..

the guy i loved most.
the guy i whom i place as my first pirority.

my dearest brother (:

spoke to bro for almost 2 hours!
My bro has always been a real nice guy just that sometimes he is alittle too 'gu niang'. HAHA!
We have never speak for straight 2 hrs over the 22 years of my life growing up with him.
People do change uh?

we always quarrel and fight during our younger days.
Me being jealous of him getting everyone's love/care/concern.
but still.... I'm really grateful to have a bro like him.

i'm looking forward to his graduation this dec! (:

... and i love my bro very very much. hehe!

don't be jealous k, mr sim.
i know u love him too. (:

♥, yours truely

blogging makes me feel better.

reasons why i blog:-
1) when i'm sad,
2) when i'm angry,
3) when i'm stress,

basically when I'm feeling negative; OR

4) when i'm happy,
5) when i think abt the past,
6) when i'm free (or rather i'm bored).

However, most of the time is due to feeling negative or i'm bored.

no doubt for this time round.
I caught with flu on friday.
As this week wasn't a good week for me.
Rushing here and there with aunt, starting work as early as 7.30am and ending work as late as 7pm. (Yes, my aunt did say it's okay I can come late and I can leave early like 6pm? but i feel bad. reason being... during most of the day time I have nothing to do. practically doing NOTHING. all i do is to run errand for her, being her PA-putting it in a nice way, being her dog? how's that?) i hate to say but i really feel like a dog, sometimes. How on earth can i tell her that? this make me even stronger and determine to be at a higher position. It sucks when someone keeps ordering u around what's more if someone being really nice that says it's okay or can you please help me? When someone u ~~feel obligated~~ respect say this to u, wouldn't u just do what they say?

Sometimes i wish to say it's not good afterall to work for someone who dotes on u. It's tougher than u think it is. I always wish that it would be good for me in a sense that I would be a stronger person when I hit the work force. I hate to cry like a crybaby, I hate it so much. Stress is building up, I think I need to go for some stress management course, and yes, not forgeting i've a psychology as a degree and that I wish to specialise in counseling. It's really demoralising when I think abt my future.

My aunt is the one who taught me if u can't even help your family how are u going to help other people. But one of my tutor told me otherwise, as he said it's different. I believe what my tutor but at the same time I have to do what my aunt says. I really feel as though I have a huge burden to carry, which is so heavy that I can't handle. I'm not trying to having any empathy or what so ever but sometimes it's really hard just to keep it to myself. This is one reason why i always console myself that sat is not a good day to hang out unless of special occasion. Because my aunt will always indirectly blame me for hanging out when i'm poor in my eng or when i fall sick after an outing. However, if i were to look after my cousins, bringing them out. inviting to my house to play she will.... be over the moon. I really don't mind bringing my cousins out, really. I'm already going out lesser with my friends what more she wants? I know I have a sick mother to look after, I'm trying. But don't they realise I too, need a life? I feel lost. Sometimes I really think we don't live for ourselves but for others.

I'm tired. I hope my aunt or none of my close family members ever read this cause reading this will only make them sad.
This feeling of mine it's only for today. I'll be fine tomorrow since i've type it out and cry it all out. (:
I'm still grateful with the family members I have.
Kor kor, i'm really looking forward to your return. I need your support.

♥, yours truely