minnfenn ♥ 敏芬

finally got my courage to blog.
u guys muz be wondering wth i'm talking abt rite?
hmmm.. since onli my gd frens will read it i shall post it here.

11 months.
going to the end.
long? nah. dun think so.
compare to FOREVER?
it's not even 1/10.

muz be wondering wat happen.
endless of quarrels.
dunno wat's wrong with me.
i've no idea.
i dun like to quarrel either.
izzit becoz i have high hopes?
i dunno y i can't accept his bad points.
i realli can't.
i try to
but whenever i see him doing it again n again
i juz dun like it.
izzit becoz of family background?
but my family isn't that gd either.
i hate my bro when he eats too
i'll tell him off if he eat like that with me.
do u know wat izzit?
i juz dislike pple eating with their mouth open.
yupz. that's it.

am i weird?
haiz..i have no idea.
i was once like that.
but got scolded by my aunt.
izzit becoz of this i wan them to be like me?
seriously i juz wan them to have some table manners.
it's not that i'm so gd or wat
juz that watever i think it's rite i wanna tell pple.

there r juz too many to put down here.
i'm not perfect either.
then y can he accept me for who i am but not me?
seriously i onli can't accept the 2 bad habits.
i agree i can be unreasonable
not some time but most of the time.
i wont agree that i'm unreasonable
unless i calm myself down n think abt it.
almost everytime when we quarrel
i'll bring up the word 'break up'
everytime he will ask me to think carefully first.
so in the end we didn't.
but he brought up twice. 2 times onli
when he said that i juz agree with it.
i didn't even ask him to consider or wat
the first time when he said
i kinda regretted so i said juz continue
provided we'll change for the better.

ytd was the 2nd time.
it's also our 11 mth.
i didn't stop him.
i agree with him.
on my way to vball
i almost teared but didn't
learning to be strong
i know i can.

i was thinking
'wat if i realli break up with him'
wat will my life be?'
will it be better for the both of us?
will my life be so lifely as b4.
will i be a loner.
will i be happy?
will he be happy?
will we both found our own happiness.
will we be together few yrs later?

i got home.
he sms me.
i didn't reply the first but i did the second time.
then we sms, after that chat on msn n then phone.
he sounds alrite
maybe it's becoz the past few times wasn't a serious break up
so he tot maybe this time is not either.
but this time i'm realli gave a very careful thinking.
i dun wish to repeat my mistake.

as i always say
if u love that person u need not need to be with that person.
i dunno.
do i still love him?
that's a huge ?
i'm confuse.
juz know that i feel numb.
i'm confuse by my thinking.
i dunno if i should continue with this bgr
or rather WE.

we may have lots of happy times.
but also lots of sad times.
aint bgr suppose to be happy forever?
isn't this is wat every couple will say
HAPPY FOREVER.
impossible.

he is the guy i once yearn for.
- smart
- caring
- helpful
- faithful
- friendly
- independent
- average looking
- able to bear with my attitude
- got a gd future ahead
- love his family
- dun have a attitude
- let me do the way i wan most of the time
- always there when i needed him
he is also a guy whom i once tot to be forever with.

he has so many gd points
y can't i juz bear with his 2 bad points?
is not that serious like he flirts or wat
is juz the way he talks n eat.
it's either he change or i bear with it.

everyone thinks that our relationship is so beautiful
but guys, u r wrong.
all relationship there r many factors that u dun get to see
it's hard to explain it out.
relationship r suppose to solve it between themselves.
they juz have to learn to face it.
i'm telling pple this.
but how abt me?
am i facing it?
i'm learning to.
pple who r at fault always run away from problems.
not denying, i'm one of them.

i'll onli face it when i have the courage to.
like now.
it started last nite.
i'm sorry, i broke my promise.
i told one of my fren.
not my best/close/gd fren.
but once my stead.
i know i shouldn't say this out
but i got to be honest.
i'm truely sorry.
it's juz that
i dunno how to tell others
though i'm talking to them.
they sounded happy juz dun wish to spoil it.
my ex whom is one of my close fren
came talking to me in a cheerful manner
but somehow i dare to face my problem with him.
maybe becoz he is a guy n i wan to know how a guy will feel
further more he was once with me.
anyway, i didn't tell him much.
he didn't ask much either.
he juz said we both(rennie n me) suit each other.
something like that.
that's all.

hmmm..i'll face it.
=)
considering carefully.
when u have found ur true love will u let go easily?
nope.
that's my ans.

***
wat if a guy/gal came along?
wat will u do?
***

me?
they will juz be my frens.
be it close fren or gd fren
but nvr my boyfren.
unless they r so much better than h[i]m.
which is so impossible.

-=words 4 my frens=-
n3tZz- u have always been my bf. however since i got into poly we seldom contact each other. nevertheless, u will always be my bf. we have lots of common interest as well as common thinking. so dun u ever forget me. =D cheers!

shuli- was married to me during sec 3 or sec 4? can't remember. LOLx. ever since we graduate we became closer. glad to know u! married couples 4eva ya? aka sisters! now u got 5 sis uh? haha... =P is this post long enough? LOLx.

melvin- hey u. =X dunno if u will read anot. LOLx. thanx eh. glad that u still keep in contact with me. despite.. wat he said last time. ahem. haha.. netz should know wat i mean. *remember netzz?* LOLx. ask me in private if u dun get it* hahax.. anyway thanx a lot buddy! =) btw, the band is still with me. -_-

weeeng- surprise to see ur name here? haha.. coz i know u will read my blog! so glad that miss lim change my place. so that i'll get to know u much more better! hehex.. thanx for everything u have done. though there aint much but at least u got me a name 'mini ferni'. haha.. we still close frens? aint we? =)

qiu ping- frens since sec 1. got f4 as my idol becoz of her t0o. =X haha.. since u went to 304 we didn't realli contact much. but u still remember my bday every yr!!! me t0o. =X lolx.. muz keep in contact alrite? maybe a few yrs back we will be closer. coz have more time! haha... stay happy gal. =)

guess no one else will read my blog.
lastly,
to u*- thanx for everything. dun be sad that it's so short. coz somethings need not say out. =)

♥, yours truely