minnfenn ♥ 敏芬

am i such a failure gf?

i think i am.

maybe i shouldn't have gone into a bgr in the first place.

it's so stupid to go into a bgr when both parties get hurt in the end.

does it worth it? NO!

fuck.

u also will hurt the pple around u.

those who cares for u.

esp those who likes u too.

i have changed.

i wasn't like that b4.

last time my frens come b4 my stead.

then for the past first months

he says he put stead first b4 anything.

those first few months he spent a lot of time with me.

slowly i got used to it.

started puting stead first too.

n slowly he spend lesser time with me due to his work, sch, cca n family.

he is now like wat i was in the past.

n wat i am now is wat he is in the past.

maybe this is my retribution.

fuck

I HATE IT.

i freaking hate myself so bloody much.

wat a failure i am.

i wanted to keep myself busy with work but i can't

my aunt dun allow me.

WHY!!!

i juz feel so miserable.

i was so freaking happy during the last week of the holiday

when i get to work every single day.

no prob no nothing

keeping myself so busy.

i always told myslef or encourage pple not to fall to deeply.

now i get it y my fren says it's hard.

IT'S FREAKING HARD.

here is a true story:
there was once a gal broke up with her ex(A)
she almost broke down.
she always go to esplanade when she is sad.
so her frens to go look for her at esplanade becoz they were afraid something will happen to her
upon hearing she broke up with her stead.
furthermore they couldn't get through her phone.
in the end they still couldn't find her.
got through her phone she say she is fine.
so they didn't continue their search.
but glad to hear she is fine.

however when she n A were still together there was this guy(B) who likes her too.
B was always by her side though he knows that he might not have the chance.
becoz she realli luv A at that time.
whenever she quarrel with A she will go to esplanade.
w/o she telling B where she is he will go straight to esplanade to look for her.
she was shock to see him.
though the one she realli wan to see is A.
but she knows this wont happen.
she is glad to see someone is there for her at that point of time.
everytime when she is down someone out there is there for her.
n now, B is her current bf.
they r very happily together.
almost 2 yrs.
:))

i mean it's like the guy is always there when she needs someone
WITHOUT telling him where she is.
is something like telepathy.
when will i have such a guy by my side.
i envy her so much.

luving someone is not wanting her to be with u
but wanting her to be happy.

after typing so much my tears finally dried up.

maybe i'm not understanding enough.
he has his gd points too.
no one is rite or wrong.
juz that diff pple has diff views.
no one needs to be pity.

i juz hate myself.

♥, yours truely