minnfenn ♥ 敏芬

blogging makes me feel better.

reasons why i blog:-
1) when i'm sad,
2) when i'm angry,
3) when i'm stress,

basically when I'm feeling negative; OR

4) when i'm happy,
5) when i think abt the past,
6) when i'm free (or rather i'm bored).

However, most of the time is due to feeling negative or i'm bored.

no doubt for this time round.
I caught with flu on friday.
As this week wasn't a good week for me.
Rushing here and there with aunt, starting work as early as 7.30am and ending work as late as 7pm. (Yes, my aunt did say it's okay I can come late and I can leave early like 6pm? but i feel bad. reason being... during most of the day time I have nothing to do. practically doing NOTHING. all i do is to run errand for her, being her PA-putting it in a nice way, being her dog? how's that?) i hate to say but i really feel like a dog, sometimes. How on earth can i tell her that? this make me even stronger and determine to be at a higher position. It sucks when someone keeps ordering u around what's more if someone being really nice that says it's okay or can you please help me? When someone u ~~feel obligated~~ respect say this to u, wouldn't u just do what they say?

Sometimes i wish to say it's not good afterall to work for someone who dotes on u. It's tougher than u think it is. I always wish that it would be good for me in a sense that I would be a stronger person when I hit the work force. I hate to cry like a crybaby, I hate it so much. Stress is building up, I think I need to go for some stress management course, and yes, not forgeting i've a psychology as a degree and that I wish to specialise in counseling. It's really demoralising when I think abt my future.

My aunt is the one who taught me if u can't even help your family how are u going to help other people. But one of my tutor told me otherwise, as he said it's different. I believe what my tutor but at the same time I have to do what my aunt says. I really feel as though I have a huge burden to carry, which is so heavy that I can't handle. I'm not trying to having any empathy or what so ever but sometimes it's really hard just to keep it to myself. This is one reason why i always console myself that sat is not a good day to hang out unless of special occasion. Because my aunt will always indirectly blame me for hanging out when i'm poor in my eng or when i fall sick after an outing. However, if i were to look after my cousins, bringing them out. inviting to my house to play she will.... be over the moon. I really don't mind bringing my cousins out, really. I'm already going out lesser with my friends what more she wants? I know I have a sick mother to look after, I'm trying. But don't they realise I too, need a life? I feel lost. Sometimes I really think we don't live for ourselves but for others.

I'm tired. I hope my aunt or none of my close family members ever read this cause reading this will only make them sad.
This feeling of mine it's only for today. I'll be fine tomorrow since i've type it out and cry it all out. (:
I'm still grateful with the family members I have.
Kor kor, i'm really looking forward to your return. I need your support.

♥, yours truely